QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL OF NEW DRUMMER
HIS NAME IS OSWALD

Queens of the Stone Age are widely known for their rotating and varied line-up. The path to becoming Queens has been paved with many musical stones. Dave Grohl is the latest of rocks that will gather no moss. He has been swept to the next babbling brook. The Queens left no stone unturned in the task of finding the next player of drums. His name is Oswald. Please join the band is saying “Goodbye Dave Rock.” And, “Hello Oswald Rock.”

We are sure your next question will be, Who is Oswald? We don’t know. However, we are clear on what Oswald is not.
Oswald is not the hated Lee Harvey. He is neither a Lone Assassin nor A Patsy. Oswald is not an Astronaut born and bred at NASA. He is neither an Archbishop nor an eater of Kasha.

In terms of acronyms, Oswald could be: Stripy -shirt WALDOS we are searching for. SODLAW-the grass covered surface and governing procedure. AWOLSD – the code for the Army Men that left San Diego. Or, finally, DOS LAW – the rule that says it takes two to tango.

When it comes to figuring out what Oswald is, maybe the alphabet game is best. For it is clear and concise and puts words to the test: O – is for ODEUM where Oswald will play. S- is for SNARE – he’ll hit night and day. W – is for WALLOP – what Oswald does to those drums. A-is for the fast-approaching ASS KICKING – of your eardrums. L- is for LOUD – so loud it might make you pee. D – is for DRUMS –no doy! What else could it be?

Perhaps Oswald’s identity will be spelled out most clearly when he sits at the drum kit and throws down some nasty. For when it comes to the skins, no press release can convey, the meat of a man who makes audiences happy and gay. No, Oswald is not gay. You are – or will be- when you see Oswald play.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE CONTINUE REIGN AS KINGS OF ROCKNROLL
Grammy Nomination, Gold Album Status & US Tour Proclaimed

A declaration to be heard round the world, The Most Noble Order of Queens of the Stone Age proclaim themselves Heads of the Honorable State of RocknRoll. A royal flush of accomplishments accompanies this announcement, including a Grammy Nomination, ascension of the Billboard Charts and their recently released full-length album, Songs For the Deaf achieving GOLD status. All afore mentions are accomplishments suitable for public
celebration. In commemoration, the band will meet it's public on MAD tv and then embark on a national tour throughout the land.

In recognition of their divine and lordly talent, The Recording Academy has bestowed a Grammy Nomination upon Queens of the Stone Age's "No One Knows" under the regal moniker, "Best Hard Rock Performance." The GRAMMYs are the only peer-presented award to honor artistic achievement, technical proficiency and overall excellence in the recording industry. In the year of our Lord two thousand and three AD on the twenty-third day of the solar mark of February, the Grammy ceremony will commence for the 45th consecutive year.

Furthermore, The Band has been bestowed honors of the Golden Jubilee Status as their full-length album Songs for the Deaf just went Gold -- a crowning achievement in observance of retail sales over 500,000. This golden acquisition exemplifies the Queen's unstoppable rise in status, rank and overall condition.

While the commoners of these United States dilly-dallied through holly-spewn holidays, Queens of the Stone Age set about a remarkable 30 point advancement on the Billboard Top 200 Chart. The band rose from #90 to #60, a mark well above the sonic sluggards and idle layabouts that litter the low-level charts and rot in states of still and inescapable languor.

Currently performing on foreign shores in the sonically subordinate isle's known commonly as Japan and Australia,
Queens of the Stone Age have officially declared Royal Engagements in the form of public live performances to be held
in music halls between our stately borders. Other elements and subsequent dates of the regal program will be announced in due course.



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

t.A.T.u. TAKE A CURTAIN CALL, TOPPING UK SINGLES CHARTS
Moscow-Duo Out-Do Debuts from Justin Timberlake & Oasis

For the second week in a row, “All the Things She Said” retains the No. 1 position on the UK Singles charts, beating out debuts from Justin Timberlake and Oasis. Stateside, 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane rises from #110 to #53 to #33 on the Billboard Top 200 Albums Chart outdoing B2K, Jay-Z, Pink and Faith Hill, selling an average of 30,000 records per week. Lena and Julia’s video entered MTV’s TRL Countdown last Friday and has remained in “The Big 10” ever since, keeping company with Avril Lavigne, Jay-Z and J Lo. This high-ranking achievement on MTV’s No 1-program guarantees heavy rotation with between 25-30 spins of the video per week, and marks the official arrival of the Russian pair into American Pop Culture.

t.A.T.u.’s music is transcending cultures. The Eastern bloc’s conservative impact on these brainy, bawdy artists is a limited one. Lena Katina says, “We do what we want. We are free.” Their sassy exterior is complete with inner-strength, maturity, independence and talent. Both Lena and Julia are classically trained pianists who studied music formally for eight years. Lena Volkova comments, “Our songs are not silly. t.A.T.u. is more sincere, more honest about ourselves and others. We don’t shape ourselves for the audience. In Russia, life is not polite. If we don’t like something, we say we don’t like it. If we don’t agree, we say ‘fuck you.’” Julia offers her insight on cultural differences, “Russians are not dark but we are not light either. We have a different view, maybe deeper, because life is more difficult in Russia.” Still, the talented teens recognize commonalties in growing up, regardless of which flag is waving. Lena explains, “We want America to listen to us. Cause all teenagers have the same problems.”

t.A.T.u.’s western appeal has been cemented in part by famed producer, Trevor Horn (Pet Shop Boys, Grace Jones, Tina Turner, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, The Art of Noise, Leann Rhymes.) Horn says, “They’re definitely a couple of powerful people,” he continues, “Records are a simple form of communication, if they work. Most of the time these days they don’t work because there’s nothing in them. But I think there’s something in t.A.T.u.’s records. There’s just something fresh about them.”

The Los Angeles Times dubbed “Anti-Britney” and Mixer Magazine Cover Girls are a mounting multi-media force, collecting accolades and critical acclaim across the board and borders. Billboard Magazine’s opinion, “All the Things She Said” is a groove-infested rock tour de force that commands a serious head-banging response as sweetly sung verses erupt into an angst-filled chorus. Synthesizers swirl in between, resulting in a real melting pot of musical milieus as hooks bubble on all sides, youthful and edgy…a potent and promising debut.” According to Request, “The album as a whole is a groundbreaking electronic pop blast.” Esquire’s take on the album, “t.A.T.u., the young duo from Moscow, has released a powerful, effervescent pop record that’s anything but girlie.” MSN’s spin, “The music is a creditable slice of totally ephemeral mega-dance pop.” The UK’s most respected newspaper, The Daily Telegraph’s view on 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane, “I think its totally and utterly fantastic…I think their cover of The Smith’s ‘How Soon is Now?’ might even be better than the original.” The Times (UK) agreed, “(200 km/h in the Wrong Lane) doesn’t sound like anything else and I couldn’t stop listening.” The powerful young women have also received the nod of approval from Blender, Rollingstone and Spin. The Face sums it up, “The hottest popstars in the world right now are t.A.T.u.”

“All the Things She Said” is the No. 1 single on the European Continent, as monitored by the Music and Media Pan-European Singles Chart. Not rookies in the scene, as 2001 saw their debut video "Ya Shosla S Uma"(All The Things She Said) win MTV Russia's Video of the Year Award. The first Eastern European Group to sell more that a million albums in Russia, Europe and Asia, their talents and charm have branched out to encompass the whole enchilada, with the album going strong, and single skyrocketing up the charts in Columbia, Italy, Spain, Greece, Belgium, Finland, Norway and Holland.

With one foot planted in Russian Culture and the other on the Pop Culture Pinnacles of America, t.A.T.u. are exercising their worldwide takeover one step at a time.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

TRUSTcompany HIT THE HAIRWAY
JOSH MOATES HAS THE STUFF TO CARRY THE FLUFF?

Josh Moates, TRUST company's bass player, class clown and decidedly most likely to have a "fro" has vowed not to cut his lovely locks for the remaining two months of the band's first headlining tour. This hair-brained idea finds a doubting tom in the form of guitarist, James Fukai. Rumors of an inner-band bet have trickled through the multimedia highway and byways making folks hair stand on end. Bracing for fall-out, Kevin Palmer (vocals, guitars) and Jason Singleton (drums) have joined the dueling duo and embarked bravely on the road in support of their major-label debut album, The Lonely Position of Neutral. The Montgomery, Alabama born and bred band will undoubtedly put a few new hairs on their chest as they travel to and fro the music halls of America.

Shaft wore one. Barbara Streisand did too. Earth Wind and Fire, Side-Show Bob, Mac Davis, Billy Preston, Bob Dylan and Kareem Abdul Jabar proudly propped "the natural," a hairstyle that has long been representative of an explosion of creativity. Let's not split hairs, it is not surprising that young Moates has adopted the growing "fro" as his own.
TRUST company's recent hair-raising performances on Late Night with Conan O'Brien and The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn left the band with a lingering thirst for more TV. A little hair of the dog seemed in order. A performance with Last Call with Carson Daly airing on February 17 provides a happy remedy to the hairy situation.

Will the twin cities' last date on the road find wooly Josh Moates hair halo the size of the Great Lakes? Will he fit through the green room door at Carson Daily? Will he ditch his stylish rocknroll gear for a flare legged pant pocket complete with FroRake? Will he cultivate the curly locks into his own crowning glory? Will Afro-sheen preempt the clean socks on the rider? Will he have the stuff to carry the Fluff? Will the mounting suspense lead to fans tearing their hair out?

It's been said that the very hairs of your head are numbered, and such is the case in the amount of TRUST company's records sold, with The Lonely Position of Neutral coming up fast on the GOLD marker. Not a bad hair day in sight since it's late summer debut at Number Eleven on the Billboard Album Chart, the full-length album, produced by Don Gilmore (Linkin Park, Lit, Eve 6) and mixed by Andy Wallace (Nirvana, Jeff Buckley, Rage Against The Machine) has achieved blow-out success at MTV and radio. Letting their own hair down, Chevelle, Depswa, Blind Side and Pacifier are supporting the tour. The band has vowed to periodically post pictures of Moates' expanding egg on their website, www.trustcompanyband.com. They have entitled their scientific photographic recordings "The Moates Show Fro Report." Parental guidance is suggested, as viewing the photos is sure to cause a few fans to flip their wigs.

Correctly name the number of homespun hair puns included in this press release and you'll be the lucky winner of a personal jheri curl kit complete with a lock of Josh's hair.

2.13 Webster Theatre Hartford, CT
2.14 Axis Boston, MA
2.15 Northern Lights Clifton Park, NY
2.17 Irving Plaza New York City
2.18 9:30 Club Washington DC
2.19 TLA Philadelphia, PA
2.20 Norva Theatre Norfolk, VA
2.21 Club M Pittsburgh, PA
2.22 Showplace Theatre Buffalo, NY
2.23 Water Street Music Hall Rochester, NY
2.24 Crowbar State College, PA
2.26 Odeon Concert Club Cleveland, OH
2.27 Newport Music Hall Columbus, OH
2.28 Bogart's Cincinnati, OH
3.01 St. Andrew's Hall Detroit, MI
3.03 The Intersection Grand Rapids, MI
3.04 Knights of Columbus Indianapolis, IN
3.05 Cabaret Metro Chicago, IL
3.06 Piere's Entertainment CtrFort Wayne, IN
3.07 Barrymore Theatre Madison, WI
3.08 The Rave Complex Milwaukee, WI
3.10 The Quest Minneaplis, MN

In "Agreeance" with America that he's a "Shit talkin', Ball-bustin, SleepNTellin', BackwardsBallCapWearin', TerrorismSuccombn', Nurse-AssGrabbin,' BadTat Sportin,' No-NookieGettin', HecklerLovin', FightClubWorshipin', Mad Mad Mook Man ...with a plan"

Just off the back2basics tour with Korn, Fred Durst's declared honors proclaim, he's the Warlord of Woodstock, The tit-babe of tetnus and The Iraqui Freedom King. He's collaberated with Christina. Can't really rhyme - and mos def can't sing. Wes quit the band and the open-call was a wash. He's got as many fans filing class action lawsuits as show up to mosh. "I feed off that shit. It's no big fucking thing. I get inspired by feeling like the underdog. Let Freedom Ring."

November 21 marked Fred Durst's most recent run-in with a fan-thrown unidentified flying object (He believes in UFO's) while performing at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. It's no new news, how he's been hit in the head, (not once, twice or thrice-- infinity instead) -- by the usual projectiles of plastic bottles, pies, copper and lead. Fred comments, "Check this, mongers, you haters, you bitches, I played 5 more songs w/7 mini-stictches. I didn't go to the hospital or walk off the stage. Just got a t-shot that hurt for two fucking days."

Agitator, ass, braggart and bully, Covers cry how he's struck out three times w/ the Hollywood ladies. Newsflash: Angelina & Britney & Halley - all three squat on his game while he keeps on wishin' for love not just fame. "Britney's
cool, Angelina's Pretty & at least I made out with Halley. I love ladies, so sue me if it'll make ya'll happy."

A provacateur fond of pedicures, bombastic or spastic, he bounces back like elastic, selling (add in record release title & sales figures & chart positions, accomplishments, awards)

He gets hit, he's most hated, he gets hell-bound reviews for records not-yet-made, they're just "slated." A life size Boba Fett fills in for Wes Bourland. He worked at McDonalds but will carry on Scorcese's tradition. He listens to: Wham, Thompson Twins, Thomas Dolby and even Celine Dion. But he signs: Staind, Puddle of Mudd (yes they're misspelled & have gone multiplatinum.) Moby comments, "Fred Durst is a contradicting, self-grandizing fool who opened his stage-show by popping out as a stool." Fred retorts, "What kind of asshole says "stage-show?"

A few final words in Fred's own defense to the *nemesis too many to list or protest?
(*Nemeses listed below in Parenthesese)

He says, "Fuck Y'all...and what I really want to do is direct."
*(Trent Reznor, Creed, Slipknot, Metallica, three thousand web sites, Britney Spears, Five hundred thousand Ticket Buyers, Three million Limp Bizkit album owners)